“When we transfer responsibility for our emotions to others, we yield control over our own lives.” -More Than Two
I am the controlling, dominant one in the relationship. But this isn’t borne from aggression or hostility, it’s from me being a more resolute person who pushes for what I want. In my career, in my hobbies and interests, in our relationship. My wife, conversely (and somewhat necessarily) is a pleaser and a compromiser whose first instinct is often to yield to what others want.
Over the course of our relationship, she has gotten better with self-esteem and with asking for things and believing that she deserves them (which she does). Much more recently, I’ve started to get better with listening, communicating, and putting others before me (thanks therapy!).
But I need to recognize that while I need to keep working on getting better in compromising and hearing her out, that doesn’t mean that I need to, or should, turn over my wants or my emotional well-being to her. I can trust in her, I can lean on her, but ultimately I need to make sure that I understand that I have to be responsible for myself and for how I feel.
And in some way, if I fail to get something I need or desire, if I never even get close, that’s because I let it slip past, not because anyone took it from me.
justaspacecadet 